Living as a Quasi-Serf in Helbourne with the Hellburn

Living as a Quasi-Serf in Helbourne with the Hellburn

This is definitely not a bona fide post

The Dr. Pooper Papers, Issue #7:

It's been a while since a new (bona fide) post has appeared here on FF2F, and it's unfortunately going to be a while yet.

To make a long story short, back in February I was working on finishing off a piece on our Lord and Savior Elon Musk, a post that as I was completing I realized I wanted to considerably expand. Coinciding with the dilemma of "publish or expand", a book I'd long been waiting for suddenly and belatedly got released, this being a book that in my opinion needed to be immediately reviewed – Clive Hamilton's Silent Invasion: China's Influence in Australia.

I immediately put the Muskuito post on hold and got to work on what would unintentionally turn into an enormous quasi book review, the post's excessive length being attributed to the various launch points that Hamilton's book provided me with, enabling me to write about several seldom-touched-upon topics that this blog does in fact routinely cover. The rudimentary first draft of said quasi book review came in at 32,000+ words with about 50 or so images, and on top of the dozen or so books I read for research purposes (and made numerous notes for) there was also the dozen or so academic papers and 200+ articles that required the same.

As laborious and daunting as it all was for a mere blog post, things were nonetheless slowly progressing – until, that is, when in mid-May the "unthinkable" happened and I was relegated to being a bed-ridden invalid for the better part of three months. Suffice to say that after a misdiagnosis and several months before I figured out what was wrong with me, what I'd come down with was a condition whose pain can be so unfathomably agonizing that I've read many women stating that said pain is even worse than that from giving birth. On top of that, the pain and discomfort was so continuously pervasive that literally the entirety of my life was unavoidably put on hold, something I've read as happening to many people with this condition.

Anyway, after (repeatedly) fasting for days on end so that I wouldn't be in utter agony and so that I could make it out to see various doctors and specialists, it was after months of confusion that I finally found out what was ailing me: I had (and to a lesser degree still have) a fissure – down where the sun don't shine. But with none of the (sometimes uncomfortable) prescriptions having even the slightest effect on what I now call "the Hellburn", it was then suggested to me by a gastroenterologist that I fly back to Canada in order to have an operation (where I'd have full medical coverage). I most certainly did not want to go through either of those (neither the operation nor Canada), so after much reading during all-too-brief respites from pain, self-testing, mishaps, and an increasingly worsening condition, I finally discovered the two predominant things that would allow me to belatedly start the drawn out healing process and rid myself of the debilitating pain – a diet of little more than oatmeal porridge (soluble fiber) and chamomile tea (anti-spasmodic), to go along with a few vitamin supplements and such to make up for my limited diet.

And baby-wipes.

Now that I'm pretty much skin and bones and don't fit into most of my clothes (seeing how I hardly ate anything for three months – which you'd also do if it meant avoiding the kind of pain that on one occasion resulted in having to choose between catching the next tram or walking in front of the next tram), I am nonetheless finally getting back on my feet. However, while I've now got another book as well as another 200+ articles to read and make notes for, plus what will be about a dozen or so arduous edits to what will be a massive 40,000 - 50,000 word "blog post", my aforementioned down-where-the-sun-don't-shine ordeal contributed to me going completely broke, a situation that left me with little choice but to sell and trade away virtually all of my worldly belongings here in Australia (save for my books and clothes).

As things now stand I'm currently marooned down in Melbourne (what I now call "Helbourne") in a quasi serf sort of position. That is, I've "fortuitously" found myself a HelpX gig (which is like WWOOFing, but without the organic agriculture) located a one-hour tram ride plus twenty-minute walk south of Melbourne's CBD, a situation that for all its downsides is nonetheless keeping me off the streets for the time being. All that aside, if things were "normal" I imagine that I'd be able to get this quasi book review completed in another four months (which from today would mean late-December or so). But things aren't "normal". More specifically, my situation has also completely burnt me out, resulting in my noggin not having the strength, willpower or constitution for writing in Helbourne. That being said, even if, for argument's sake, I found a HelpX host or whatever up north, I don't even have the money for a train or bus ticket to get the hell out of Hel(bourne). In effect, I have no idea how, or when, I might be able to get this next blog post completed.

With that in mind, and seeing how I still have my piss-poor laptop (which no one would dare buy from me, no matter how desperate me and my third eye were) as well as the apparent ability to still undertake the kind of amateur coding I do, I suppose I'll bide my time by updating FF2F's posts for Ghost 2.0 (which just got released the other day), as well as maybe add some tweaks to FF2F's theme. Dark mode anyone?

So that's that.

Supposing then that I'll somehow be able to get back to writing (meaning get my arse out of Helbourne and free of the Hellburn), in the earlier faux posts I was posting in March, April and May (while I was going full-force in reading, note-taking and writing) I'd started including a few teaser images set to appear in the upcoming quasi book review. Although I won't be doing that anymore (supposing I'm even able to get back to writing), to go along with the re-displayed upcoming images reproduced below I've nonetheless included one more teaser image (and associated caption) up above, this one of Mr. Shit Face Dr. Pooper of the The Dr. Pooper Papers. Although it's derived from a completely different context via the hopefully-upcoming post, considering my finally improving condition I thought it might be a bit apropos to use.

In the meantime, if things somehow work out and I happen to have any updates, you'll be able to find those down below in the comments section of this non-bona fide post.

And finally, although I'm well aware that poetry isn't exactly the thing here on FF2F, Mr. Shit Face has nonetheless made a special request that he may be able to make a heartfelt plea from the depths of the inferno. As I decided to entertain his foibles just this one time, well, here it is. My apologies in advance for his lack of professionalism and decor.

God gave us only one
and it must last an entire lifetime
so please

take care of your arsehole



"Here kitty. Heeeeere kitty kitty kitty kitty"


"Blowin' 'em dingo whistles so people think of me as racist, are ya? Well maybe it's time we say nighty night, Mr. Flat White" (background photo by _TC Photography_)


Rough translation: "Warning: this man scratches his nuts in public" (inlay photo courtesy of Angel Bena, background photo of actual social credit display via 搜狐
"Yo soy Señor Colon!"

Formerly a budding filmmaker, now jawboning on the collapse of industrial civili­s­a­tion & the renewal of culture. READ MORE